One of our team members discusses her mammy guilt

I’m very much new to being a mammy as my baby is only 6 months old so I am learning every day, I don’t know very much and I’m still not sure if I’m doing a good job. I read every book when I was pregnant but the one thing I wasn’t ready for was the ‘mammy guilt’. I have worked for many years building a career I love and I suppose I just never expected to be so torn between a job I love and a baby I love even more.I decided before i had my baby that my job needed me to return to work slightly earlier from maternity leave.. although I was delighted to be back I still worried I was letting my baby down.

I was the person that wanted to climb to the very top of the career ladder, I was always the one that argued back when someone said women couldn’t have a family and a career.. I’m still that person but now realise how tough it is to do both but I still truly believe you can.. You can have both but the guilt that is attached is totally new to me. The guilt when your at work and you feel you should be at home. When you leave work and you feel you have more to do but need to go home..

When I returned to work I cried in the car many times (if I’m honest there are still tears some days) The worse bit for me is I feel other women judged me ‘your not back to work already’ ‘you are hardly going to be working full time are you?’ Even though I know I’ll always be a full time working mother I felt guilty to answer those questions. Like i was a bad mother. A mammy I really respect told me that you need to give your job 100% when you are there and your family 100% when you are with them and that’s how I plan to work things.. a happy mammy means a happy baby and the one thing I’m sure of is my baby is happy and that’s all that matters to me..

Also talking to other mammies I’ve realised everyone feels guilty – stay at home mothers, working mothers, mothers who go out one night in a blue moon, mothers who feel they are not good enough at this job! The mammy guilt is just a part of the job and affects everyone but this morning when I took my baby out of her cot and she smiled up at me i was reminded that it is the best job in the world and all you can do is your very best every day..

So if you no one told you today- your a great mammy and remember when your baby smiles at you it’s because they agree..


"The guilt started the very first time I made up that formula bottle…." Don't miss this tonight! Brand New: Mammy Guilt: True Lives, tonight at 9pm on TV3. Join Karen Koster as she lifts the lid on balancing babies, work and the guilt that she feels as a working mum.

Posted by TV3 on Tuesday, January 16, 2018